Settling In

So, I guess this thing is here to stay, this whole "no more brother" thing. I try to be glib because I don't really have any other ways of processing it right now. "Good" days are days where I'm merely sad and depressed. Bad days are... well, I don't know what they are yet. Angry, despairing, and convinced I'll never get past this.

Which is probably true. I will never get past not having Alex around. I guess I'll just adjust.

It still doesn't feel real. It's been 3 weeks, and I frequently think, "This is just such a stupid nightmare. It couldn't possibly be real." It is, obviously, but it's just too much to take in.

I don't really know what I intended to accomplish with this post, but I just needed to get something out there. Anything, I think. Even this pointless rambling about the pain in my chest and the hole in the rest of my life. A huge 6'6" hole that will never be filled.

I miss him so much.